News You Can't Use: Say "ahh" and let the economy soothe you

Were you just a bit disgusted when you heard that AIG had sent their head honchos on a resort retreat just weeks after news of their bailout broke? Just think, they were getting rubdowns and enjoying five-course meals while you were sweating away over open enrollment business in your office.

If you live in Alabama or Florida, you can melt that stress away with a new series of economic themed spa treatments at the famed Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail resorts and spas.

"If you can afford $85 BILLION for AIG to go to the spa---You can afford this!!” said Dr. David G. Bronner, CEO of the Retirement Systems of Alabama.

TREATMENTS:

If your 401(k) has dwindled down to zero, consider a 401(k) facial to smooth away intended wrinkles. It includes a glycolic resurfacing treatment and complimentary admission to a quiet room, steam room, and whirlpools before and after treatment. The Wall Street Journal newspapers can be removed at your request. $100.

If watching the Nasdaq on it's roller coaster runs has left your body aching with whiplash, smooth away stress with the Economic Freefall Refresher. A mineralizing spa body treatment reduces stress and tension, leaving skin soft and smooth. A facial follows, featuring ingredients that stimulate cellular renewal leaving the skin soft, glowing and refreshed. A money manicure completes your refresher leaving money in your pocket. $200.

If you can't "beat" them, join them. Pound out the stress with the "Banker and Broker Bailout" package - an 80-minute therapeutic massage, deep cleansing facial and penetrating location for hydration. Gentlemen's haircut and nail trim will help finish your escape prior to taking on the wizards on Wall Street. Pin-stripe robes no longer available. $300.

For a quick fix in your office, you can even take home "Stress Relief" for $24. A variety of Sprayable vitamins are available in the spa shops.

We're not kidding … these treatments are actually available until December 1 at the following locations: Grand Hotel Marriott Resort, Golf Club & Spa in Point Clear, AL; Battle House, a Renaissance Hotel, in Mobile, AL; the Montgomery Renaissance Hotel & Spa at the Convention Center in Montgomery, AL; Renaissance Ross Bridge Golf Resort & Spa in Hoover, AL and the Marriott Shoals Hotel & Spa in Florence, AL. Not available at the FDIC or local lending institutions.

Image courtesy of Battle House spa in Mobile, Alabama